I haven't often had the opportunity to observe you around your immediate family and to see the dynamics you talk about. The week at the beach did show that Mike can get away with what he wants, though you (and the rest of us) are generally reduced to child status, something I'm fine dealing with because my brother is [usually] treated just like I am. A theory--apart from J's that they expect more from you because you are not the one who typically caused problems--that I have is that maybe it's just gender.
I say this because I've noticed that, although both Derek AND Daniel are younger than I am, I am still the 'baby' of the family. It all lies in my girl-ness--a couple of years ago, when I took a stroll on the beach by myself, the uncles and my dad were all back at the house on the balcony with binoculars to make sure I didn't speak to any guys. I like that they're protective of me, and as of yet it hasn't much cramped my style, but I see how it would if my brother were to bring a girlfriend to the beach and they were allowed to stay in the same room while J and I were forced to sleep apart. There are double standards; on the same trip two years ago my dad encouraged my brother to initiate conversation with some bikini-clad girls floating in the ocean. I wonder if their uncles were watching through binoculars...
So there's an idea. I'm sorry the trip was a disappointment...it seemed like a number of people and factors were working against your enjoying it. If it helps, my mom and I both think Doc seems like a good guy and were saddened that tensions prevented us from getting to know him a bit more. My mom got the benefit of a small car trip with him; I still don't know much about him, but I figure if you like him then he must be a pretty cool guy, especially away from the pressure of a girlfriend's family and no medication.
As for the grass's being greener on the other side, I suppose at the moment my grass may seem a bit more lush, but yours is looking pretty good, too. I have to say that I'm envious of the life you've built for yourself and of the independence you have. Everything I do follows a set path, and I more or less always do what is expected. I rely heavily on my parents for help, I'm horribly whiny about having a job, it's taken me months to figure out that I probably can't manage taking care of a cat for at least another year, I can't cook very much or well and don't have a strong desire to, and I've chosen to live in the same place for six years because it is a) familiar and b) close to my parents. My choices are safe, and though I think a lot of it is my personality I know that some is because of the way I was raised...pampered, maybe slightly spoiled... I'd be tickled if you went to culinary school, just because it's something I'd never do but which seems exciting and full of possibilities to do something unique.
I don't know if any of this helps at all, but I thought I'd give you some of my thoughts.
All the best, dear cousin.
Love,
Kate
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