Fireworks

Dear Kate,

Life sounds exciting and a bit nerve wracking for you! Life is moving for you, slowly at times and at the speed of light the other times. I am very excited for your move. Though you have been in Blacksburg for many years, and it feels like home to you, it is good to spread your wings. Of course, this comes from someone who has lived in the same place for the past 10 years (20 if you count my time in Panama City). In my own defense, I did leave the part of town that was centered around the university to be closer to the heart of Pensacola, the place my own heart loves most about this little big town.

Yet, I often feel in that limbo…do I stay or do I move?

As I was walking around my yard the other day, I noticed the irises, which I planted two years ago, are finally blooming. My garden box is re-growing dormant perennials. The strawberries, which didn’t produce last year, are in abundance this year. After a very hard winter, I had to pull many of my plants out of the ground, dead from the cold. But I replaced them with sprouting trees which survived the winter in my sleeping garden box.

I truly felt at home. I often feel lost on my own mental adventure when I’m putting my hands in the dirt of my yard. The other day, the Capt was sick with a migraine. My hopes of going kayaking were partially dashed. Then I realized, I really didn’t need him to hold my hand to go for a paddle. So I tested my ability and shoved my little green kayak in my car – then did a quick jig because it fit perfectly. I went kayaking…by myself…and it was amazing. Again, I was lost in my own little mental adventure on the bayou.

I guess I have been trying to live the metaphor of making lemonade from the lemons (though I think I’d prefer margaritas from the key limes). I have really focused on my own personal change of attitude. And sadly, it has caused me to open my eyes in recognition of the capt’s sour attitude about everything in life. He complains ALL THE TIME!! I won’t digress on this, I’m not ready to delve into his topic today. What I will say is that I do understand we all have our gripes and needs of venting (and I am glad to offer an ear when frustrations need releasing); however, when the topic is constantly bitch, bitch, bitch, about work, work, work…well, it does get old.

At the same time, I understand your feelings about the frustrations with even finding a job. I know there is a terrible market out there. I also know we are of the same mentality, one which will find us dedicated to the task at hand, accepting anything with an income…at least until the better opportunity comes to focus. Folks like my brother will take the first thing across his plate, settle for the income, then complain about how much he hates his job. Reflecting on an earlier conversation with him, I asked why he wasn’t looking for something different. With the flow of excuses that poured from his mouth, I knew he was not out searching…he is of the type that wants the good life to fall in his lap. I think the capt is like this also…the good life has got to nip you in the bud before you realize it was there the whole time.

I’m sorry you are struggling to find a job. But I believe you to have a source of optimism tucked away. I may be completely off, but I don’t think I am. I think J. has helped you open your little treasure cache of good will. I saw it in your last letter. I saw it when we were all last together in North Carolina. And I look forward to seeing it this summer. As for my little relationship…I care very much for the capt, and hope my enthusiasm for life and it’s small daily adventures will soothe his corrupted little heart! (sarcasm…)

So, as for me…I have taken the bull by the horns, so to speak. I want travel back in my life, and will seek any opportunity with or without the capt. We are both truly fine with this, I would hope for him to jump on adventure regardless of my availability. I pray that at times our comings and goings will coincide, and when they don’t, as I said earlier, I don’t need him to hold my hand (though it is a nice additive).

I’m going on a road trip. My two main areas of visit include the newly weds and my parents. My window of opportunity is the 28^th of June through the 7^th ish of July. I would love to help you and J in your move, and I would love to spend an old fashioned Fourth of July either is some small West Virginia town, or along the banks of the Mississippi River. I don’t know why I love fireworks, I hate the noise of them…but I love good ol’ Fourth of July festivities.

So I leave it with this: I am flexible with my car. I can visit mom and dad first, then come your way for the Fouth, or vise versa. Let me know when I would be of most help and of least burden to you.

Paix, ma Cousine!

Leigh

update

Dear Leigh,

I was going to text you to let you know that I had posted over the weekend, but then we got some news that made at least part of my previous post obsolete. A testament to how uncertain the details of my next year were a few days ago.

As I mentioned in my previous note, J was accepted to WVU but hadn't heard about funding. Well, he's heard now, and we're headed to Morgantown in a couple of months. The next big adventure. I'm excited but, at the same time, worried that I won't find my place there. I'm so used to Blacksburg now! Adjusting to a new town can't be that hard... and my family will, at least, be a bit closer (some of them). My parents will be a mere 3 hours away, my grandmother 2, and my friend Laura 8 (instead of the 10 1/2 she is now).

Now I need a job, and a good one, because now I will need to be the breadwinner while J is the struggling graduate student. I've applied to over 15 jobs already, but I know it usually takes at least twice that number of applications before you get a nibble. Not sure the jobs are even out there, but I will make myself annoying to the places that ARE hiring.

Anyway, that's the update. Still read my previous letter, since it responds to yours.

Love,

Kate

Adventure

Dear Leigh,

I'm sorry your adventures have been foiled. If that camping trip doesn't take shape, you should take matters into your own hands and just DO something. Maybe the Captain will come along if he knows you're going no matter what.

Personally, I'm adventured out. Our wedding was just about perfect. I wish your family could have made it, but I'm happier knowing that your Dad didn't put himself through extra stress by traveling so far and that you were together as a family when you needed to be.

Back to the wedding, though... It reawakened whatever piety I possess and confirmed my belief that if you act as though something will go right, it will go right (and if it doesn't, at least you won't be so stressed along the way). There were many opportunities for the day to fall apart (in minor ways), yet it never did. Our B&B was disappointing for how much it cost, but we didn't really care. In fact, we'll probably go back again, just for sentimentality's sake. The water smelled like eggs, the floors were freezing, Jeremiah got champagne all over the kitchen, breakfast was kind of gross, and there was a compost bin under the sink...but it all is dear to me.

Our "honeymoon"...well, if I could take a mulligan, I would. I should've known Jeremiah wouldn't really take to cruising (though he loved dinners) and that going places I'd already been would lead to disappointment. They're not quite so magical when you're older and used to being in charge of how you get where you want to go. We had fun, nonetheless, and Jeremiah still wants to travel (thank goodness)...just to less tourist-centered places, perhaps. He mentioned an alaskan cruise...

So that brings me to the adventures of everyday life, which are many. We currently do not know for sure where we'll be next year (we might find out tomorrow), do not know whether I'll be able to find employment this summer, whether we'll be able to go to the beach... Jeremiah got into WVU's MFA program, but they haven't guaranteed him funding. They also haven't denied it. He's supposed to find out tomorrow where he is on the list of those being considered for funding...

I've applied for nearly 15 jobs already, and have investigated several more. My goal is 4 per week. I can get on the sub list for Floyd county schools but have yet to find opportunities in West Virginia... Our lease runs out July 1st, and I don't know if we'll be moving the week before or sooner or what. If we move, we'll need a new place to live, but I can't line that up when I don't know which town to look in... If we're moving to Morgantown I might just collect unemployment until I find a job there rather than begging someone to hire me for two months around here. I'll be able to pack up our stuff, at least.

Annnnd I defend on May 5th, graduate May 8th...

I'm ready for it all to be settled, and I'm frustrated that the schools I've applied to teach at haven't called me back. People HERE think I'm special...my capstone project has been nominated for a Chermside Award and I've been asked to read at graduation...but to other places I'm just another boring resume. I've called to follow-up on applications and the people who answer act as though I'm doing something completely inappropriate by calling with questions...

Every now and then I think "man, wouldn't it be nice if I could just move back home while I look for a job somewhere...eat my parents' food, live rent-free..." But I know I wouldn't be happy with that. Also, I've taken the adult step of marrying Jeremiah, so wherever I go he goes, and I would not take him to live with my parents. We should be able to make it on our own.

My philosophy right now is the same one I had approaching our wedding: believe it'll all work out. It keeps me from losing my mind. Can't wait until this particular bit of adventure is over, though...

On a completely different note: tomorrow is April 16th, and I have no idea what to do with myself. It's kind of disturbing how little I feel, considering how much I felt then. To go to campus or to not go to campus? To recognize the day or to sit inside and play videogames all afternoon? I've found a balance, I think...I'm heading to campus in the morning and leaving as soon as the insensitive younger folks make me angry enough. Then I'm having lunch with a friend of mine, who is the last remaining person here (apart from Andrew) who was actually with me on that day. Weirdly, I didn't know Jeremiah at all, yet... That's what I've been thinking of most, tonight: how much the landscape of my life has changed since then. That and how much I wish the underclassmen would disappear tomorrow so that we who were here can wander our campus in peace.

Anyway, I'll close for now. I could go on and on.

Love,

Kate

Time

Dear Kate,

It’s been a while. And of course, it is on my side. I am terrible at keeping up our posts. Even my own postings have been neglected for over a year. I was visiting my old site the other day, reminiscing and balking at the elapsed time. Not only between my own personal writing, but also the time between our correspondence.

Much has happened in that time; for you most mentionable. A thousand Congratulations for you and J. I am anxious to hear how you are enjoying life as the lady of the apartment, and how J has adapted to your routines. I want to hear a tale or two of wedding day moments and cruise memories. I find myself jealous at times for the thought of your great adventure.

I am in need of an adventure just now. Since our last posting, I have missed THREE chances at vacation. Once, over Christmas, Capt and I were supposed to go to Jackson, MS to visit with his family. Christmas’s in Jackson are so simple and fun. His dad plays the guitar while his mom orchestrates silly games for gifts of candy bars and $5 bills. The two nephews are there, two fun and wonderful boys. The youngest and I tend to get into mischief …teasing the Capt. or playing cards or plotting silly pranks. Fun times.

Then of course, when mom and dad were down for the month of January, I felt as if the whole month just melted away. There was not much time for going out and playing or bike riding because of dad’s strength. Plus, his trip to the hospital kept us from coming to your wedding. I am thankful for your grace in the matter. I had though of just going on my own, but luckily I didn’t, as dad would have been admitted while I was away. Funny how things work out sometimes.

Finally, I was supposed to see Eric Clapton in New Orleans. My birthday tradition, and only real wish, is to spend a day in the Big Easy. It’s just such an amazing place of art, music, culture, and FOOD!!! Plus, you throw in a couple of tickets to one of the greatest guitarists (in my humble opinion) and WOW! What a trip. Yet, the Thursday before departure, I found myself with the worst kind of stomach bug that did not ease until Sunday.

I feel so cheated.

I don’t look for much in adventure. A simple day trip here or there, or an overnight in a different setting is all I ask to tide me over until a mega, week long excursion gets placed in the books. An escape from reality is a wonderful thing. I have been looking to the Capt for that adventure, but for some reason, we are lacking in our communication skills. I feel him placing too much a priority on his work to make a simple get away. I would have thought we had occasional free days from work. Yet, currently, we are just at odds. We both need a trip. I know I told you I’d be planning a trip up to Virginia. I have plotted several trips that direction, complete with a side stay in Savannah to visit Capt’s friends. But again, we are just at odds. One minute he is on board with travel, the next finds him unwilling to take the time away from his job.

He has suggested a camping trip for the end of this month. He claims to be in need of a vacation. I have been in need of an adventure for much longer. So, I plan to sit tight and wait. If he does not follow through with this trip, or for another reason I get cheated (gosh, sounds like the world revolves around me!)… anyway, if this trip fall through the giant cracks in life, I will be taking this journeying life by the horns and road trip away by my self.

So perhaps you should expect to see me in July!

Paix ma cousine,

Leigh