Fireworks

Dear Kate,

Life sounds exciting and a bit nerve wracking for you! Life is moving for you, slowly at times and at the speed of light the other times. I am very excited for your move. Though you have been in Blacksburg for many years, and it feels like home to you, it is good to spread your wings. Of course, this comes from someone who has lived in the same place for the past 10 years (20 if you count my time in Panama City). In my own defense, I did leave the part of town that was centered around the university to be closer to the heart of Pensacola, the place my own heart loves most about this little big town.

Yet, I often feel in that limbo…do I stay or do I move?

As I was walking around my yard the other day, I noticed the irises, which I planted two years ago, are finally blooming. My garden box is re-growing dormant perennials. The strawberries, which didn’t produce last year, are in abundance this year. After a very hard winter, I had to pull many of my plants out of the ground, dead from the cold. But I replaced them with sprouting trees which survived the winter in my sleeping garden box.

I truly felt at home. I often feel lost on my own mental adventure when I’m putting my hands in the dirt of my yard. The other day, the Capt was sick with a migraine. My hopes of going kayaking were partially dashed. Then I realized, I really didn’t need him to hold my hand to go for a paddle. So I tested my ability and shoved my little green kayak in my car – then did a quick jig because it fit perfectly. I went kayaking…by myself…and it was amazing. Again, I was lost in my own little mental adventure on the bayou.

I guess I have been trying to live the metaphor of making lemonade from the lemons (though I think I’d prefer margaritas from the key limes). I have really focused on my own personal change of attitude. And sadly, it has caused me to open my eyes in recognition of the capt’s sour attitude about everything in life. He complains ALL THE TIME!! I won’t digress on this, I’m not ready to delve into his topic today. What I will say is that I do understand we all have our gripes and needs of venting (and I am glad to offer an ear when frustrations need releasing); however, when the topic is constantly bitch, bitch, bitch, about work, work, work…well, it does get old.

At the same time, I understand your feelings about the frustrations with even finding a job. I know there is a terrible market out there. I also know we are of the same mentality, one which will find us dedicated to the task at hand, accepting anything with an income…at least until the better opportunity comes to focus. Folks like my brother will take the first thing across his plate, settle for the income, then complain about how much he hates his job. Reflecting on an earlier conversation with him, I asked why he wasn’t looking for something different. With the flow of excuses that poured from his mouth, I knew he was not out searching…he is of the type that wants the good life to fall in his lap. I think the capt is like this also…the good life has got to nip you in the bud before you realize it was there the whole time.

I’m sorry you are struggling to find a job. But I believe you to have a source of optimism tucked away. I may be completely off, but I don’t think I am. I think J. has helped you open your little treasure cache of good will. I saw it in your last letter. I saw it when we were all last together in North Carolina. And I look forward to seeing it this summer. As for my little relationship…I care very much for the capt, and hope my enthusiasm for life and it’s small daily adventures will soothe his corrupted little heart! (sarcasm…)

So, as for me…I have taken the bull by the horns, so to speak. I want travel back in my life, and will seek any opportunity with or without the capt. We are both truly fine with this, I would hope for him to jump on adventure regardless of my availability. I pray that at times our comings and goings will coincide, and when they don’t, as I said earlier, I don’t need him to hold my hand (though it is a nice additive).

I’m going on a road trip. My two main areas of visit include the newly weds and my parents. My window of opportunity is the 28^th of June through the 7^th ish of July. I would love to help you and J in your move, and I would love to spend an old fashioned Fourth of July either is some small West Virginia town, or along the banks of the Mississippi River. I don’t know why I love fireworks, I hate the noise of them…but I love good ol’ Fourth of July festivities.

So I leave it with this: I am flexible with my car. I can visit mom and dad first, then come your way for the Fouth, or vise versa. Let me know when I would be of most help and of least burden to you.

Paix, ma Cousine!

Leigh

These times

Dear Kate,

It's interesting how life progresses. The kids ebb and flow like the constant changing tides on our gulf beaches...it is ridiculous sometimes. Once one issue resolves, another evolves. But luckily it is turning the eyes of drama away from my life...finally. Side note - the kids ask: are you and doc dating? have you and doc kissed? why do you deny the dating when you guys are always eating dinner together? I laugh and simply jokingly avoid these questions from their young and nosey minds. I wish to just remind them that relationships post marriage and in the decade of the 30 -something’s look quite different than the teenage dating circles witnessed daily. They are like a "Friends" episode where everyone has dated everyone else within the circle...without serious repercussions to the group dynamics. It's interesting.

I come to mind in all this how great our vacation will be next week. The acts and scenes of our own family revolutions somehow feel not so wearing, but rather strengthening. I know the doc will definitely benefit from the love our small family circle seems to radiate every time we gather! Yea, I sound mushy. But it is a vacation on so many levels for benefit the soul. And for this Saturday afternoon, I am well ready and counting down the hours.

There is so much going on the world these days: Good, Bad, Frustrating, Exciting. We have Obama's candidacy, we have Bush's not soon enough departure, we have war, we have supporters, we have rioters, we have Olympics, we have earthquakes, we have music, we have education. In the eyes of these weeks of graduations we see new groups stepping into the working world, while the younger generations are stepping into the world of higher education. I am excited for our future, while worried and stressed for our present. I feel nostalgia for a time I never even experienced, and hope for a time when I can “now” the "Good ol' days."

These times we live in are so filled with change, with hurt, with hope. It is overwhelming sometimes. It is another reason I look forward to a small week spent with family, seemingly away from reality. We really are lucky for what we have with our aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers... I am proud to be a member of this clan. It is comforting especially in our time where families are so easily split and faced with crisis. Our unit may live many miles from one another, yet we are still so close. For that I am well pleased.

You are absolutely right in your thoughts with relationships. Sometimes we do have to take that selfish perspective and expect or hope that others will come to see and accept OUR happiness. If we, as overly obsessive people pleasers, ruin a great personal relationship to save face with others whose disapproval seep with jealousy, then we really loose. I think, and agree, that true friendship will embrace that happiness where ever it appears. In our world today, we need those rays of light and hope. Our family is definitely one that embraces.

And it is truly an amazing feeling.

Peace, ma cousine

Leigh