Life in this bubble

Dear Leigh,

Crazy.

I live in a bubble, so I hadn't heard of VT's plan to offer families and victims money. The idea is highly disturbing to me, because it suggests that a) both parties feel that money can somehow make the grief less or that b) the school is being blamed for what was a lamentable tragedy but not really the sole fault of any one person or institution.

It's especially bothersome considering the one year mark is coming up in a few weeks and, I feel, one of the last things we should be doing is placing/accepting blame or thinking that somehow reparations or deep and labyrinthine investigation will erase the basic grief.

The whole idea makes me a little squeamish. I can't say for sure, of course, but if I were in your place the offer Stew made would make me feel very strange, almost as though I'd benefit if he were lost in the line of duty. The money would inevitably be stained, and I wouldn't be able to keep it. Charity would be the only way to go.

I know that what Tech is offering is partly to help with medical bills and so forth, but something about it still doesn't feel quite right. It would seem similarly stained; the thought of putting a number on exactly how much the loss of a loved one is worth is repulsive.

Going back to the whole Kate-lives-in-a-bubble thing: I worry about the media this year. Articles and issues relating to the 16th have, I gather, been fairly consistent over the past year and experienced a spike after the Southern Illinois incident, so I expect a similar village of news vans to be camped out by our alumni center this year. I fear them more now, though, because I've had time to wonder and realize that I have almost no idea how I'm going to react to it all. Last year we sat numbly watching the news for hours, switching from program to program hoping there'd be more information (but what more could we really know?), then finally turning on something completely unrelated. It wasn't real enough yet, for me, to react strongly in a conscious way. This time...I don't know.

Part of me wants them to leave us alone (what business is it of anyone else's anyway?), and part of me wants them here so that I can feel as much as possible what it was like last time. Very strange. And mom and dad will be so far away...

Blood Money

Dear Kate,

Yesterday on NPR I heard about Virginia Tech proposing to offer victims of last year’s horrific events $100,000 so as not to sue the school. I was not at first sure if what I heard was correct, as the information floored me terribly. When I got to work, I looked up the New York Times website to confirm the information. And sure enough, there it was: Virginia Tech Seeks to Avoid Lawsuits. I was instantly reminded of the time Stew once told me that, in the event he would be called to serve in Iraq, and should anything (deathly) happen to him while he was serving, I would be compensated $250,000 as aid in my grief. The idea sickened me. I’m sorry, but science is not yet advanced enough to return life to a loved one for any sum of cash. I was, and am still, really bothered by this offer.

Now, in the defense of the military, I understand that they are trying to help in some form or fashion for the horrific loss of our beloved due to their "heroic duty." But I really still feel almost insulted that a governmental branch can buy off my remorse. "In their defense" ... the money, as I was told by Stew, was to help pay for funeral arrangements and other expenses. (Though a quarter of a million makes for an awfully extravagant funeral.)

Similarly, the news yesterday made note that the money offered would be to help with medical and counseling costs for those grieving loved ones lost at Virginia Tech . I suppose I can begin to respect and understand this attempt at generosity. But to tell me I am going to be offered this sum to prevent my legal actions against the armed forces or educational institute just seems ludicrous. I don’t get it. Maybe I overreact.

As you know, Stew and I are no longer maritally involved. However, prior to his deployment last August, he informed me that he had still wanted to leave a portion of his blood money to me in the event of his demise.

My response: I would have to return it all to support the many wounded vets, as they need and deserve that money more than I.

Kate, I don't understand our world sometimes. I feel like it revolves too much over money rather than feelings. Riches equaling happiness? I cannot say that is a beat with which I can fall into step. Cousine, we live in a time of economic hardship. We live in a time of war. We live in a time of senseless killings both in our own country as well as regions halfway around the world.

We also live in a time where someone else must take the blame for any transgressions we must suffer. And sadly, we live in a time where we can bribe others to point fingers in different directions.


Finally, it makes me sad to hear of atrocious amounts of cash being offered to those so they will keep quiet and continue living their lives as if nothing has happened - especially when there are so many suffering, and we insist on turning blind eyes toward them.

It is like placing salt on a wound wanting to heal.

Paix, ma cousine,

Leigh