waxing introspective toward the end...sorry...

Dear Leigh,

I'm writing to you from a slightly more stable place than last time. I interviewed for a job, which I think I can have if I want it. Sadly, it's part-time and would pay 1,000 per month without benefits, but when J and I are splitting 700 per month rent, that's enough to live on (though I plan to find other part-time work). The important thing to me is that the job seems interesting! Transcribing college lectures for the deaf and hard of hearing in real time (though I'd edit my transcription and send the students notes later).

Part of me thinks "wait and see if an actual teaching job comes along," but the rest of me realizes that I have more credit card debt than money in the bank right now, and my credit card debt is VERY low. I will go to the final interview in June, and I will probably take this job.

We've also found a place to live (if you hadn't figured that out from fb and my reference to rent) and have decided to move the weekend before beach week. It was a tough decision...that beach week could be time J could work more at his job in Blacksburg, but it's time with family that we won't get back... and money is just money. We can eat ramen and, if necessary, borrow from a bank or my parents (whose interest rate would be much lower). We plan to sell or pawn a lot, too.

So, in light of these plans, it would probably be best if you planned on stopping in Morgantown, WV for the 4th of July or sometime thereabouts. It is the same distance from St. Louis as Blacksburg, but I'm afraid it's a few hours further away from Pensacola. I'd understand if that kept you from wanting to stop by, but I'll be very excited if you decide to visit.

It's interesting... You mentioned in your last post that I have some optimism, and it reminded me of an old journal entry I read a day or so ago from the era of "woe-is-me-my-life-is-so-much-harder-than-anybody-else's." In that entry, I said that I had some sort of "indestructible optimism," because despite my depression I never despaired. I never thought that I wouldn't ever be happy on a daily basis or that life wouldn't be great (and, looking back, I realize that life was always great, excepting a few moments of pain). Jeremiah, too, has said that, even though I seemed to be into self-destructive behaviors when we first met, it also seemed to him that it was a front... I never went so far as to actually get in trouble, and despite my partying I maintained near perfection when it came to school. I'm so glad he liked who I was back then, anyway.

Not too long ago, I would have described myself as a pessismist, but I'm not. I have moments of pessimism, but at those times Jeremiah plays the role of the optimist (most of the time I play that role for him). I also found a quote that I stole from an old professor of mine: "nothing can complete you, because you weren't a half-person to begin with." I found it comforting at the time, and still do, though now my feeling of incompleteness stems from professional and not romantic desires.

A few months ago, Jeremiah would often come home moaning about how he hated his job. "so look for a new one," I said. He said "I can't work anywhere with a BA in Creative Writing." Well, I looked FOR him, and found plenty he was qualified for... Still, he never applied, and continued hating his job. Luckily he got over it and applied to graduate programs, but it frustrated me at the time... I don't understand settling. I'll take a job I don't like in order to pay the bills, but you can bet I'll be searching for something else every evening when I get off work. I was rather harsh, at the time, and told him I thought he must get something out of hating his job, otherwise he wouldn't ignore the job ads I sent his way. Interestingly, he agreed...but I still don't know what exactly it was that he got out of it. Some people are just that way, I guess. I hope the captain and Mike get out of their job-hating funks. Those funks are contagious... well, Jeremiah's was, anyway.

I hope you are enjoying yourself and staying oil-free. What messes we make of a perfectly good world.

Love,
Kate