Family

Dear Kate,

I’m glad to hear your day went well. Not celebratory, but not depressing either…a nice mediocre kind of day. I think those are my favorite: days where you don’t need to think about too much heavy stuff and really have no energy for joyous stuff. And two: the fact of that anniversary being not on the front of your brain is probably a benefit. Too often we get so wrapped up in the melancholy that we lose sight of the good… like two month anniversaries with our new found beaus.

But a new stress evolves from this: family reactions and relations. I like to think my brother and I are very close. I have seen interactions between other sets of siblings, and realize that our own relationship still lacks. We do not offer the “I love you’s” with frequency, and hugs involve too much touch. Do I believe we have a poor relationship? Naw.

Let me tell you briefly about little brother. After Matt’s death, we were pretty much separated. Daddy and Michael moved to St. Louis, mom hung out behind with me until I graduated high school. Mike had his life up north, I had mine down south. I got married, Michael got married. Even though he lived with me portions of that timeframe, I still never really felt much closeness with him. I actually felt closer with his wife.

So, Michael got divorced. I got divorced. I resented him for his, as I think he resented me for mine.

Then, I am not sure how it happened. One day we started talking. One day we started forming this bond. One day we became more than just a brother and sister in name, but in relationship. It was weird. Evolving from this was the code: Family First. I helped him move to Mobile, I supported his move to Crestview. I was and still am there for him when he has girl trouble. I would still stand up to anyone who crossed my brother for malice. In the same way I trust he would do for me.

Yet we are not perfect. We don’t always see eye to eye, and his “Pity Party’s of One” grow old really quick. Though if I ever discovered he were in town without my knowing, I would be pissed. If I sent him a gift, I think I would expect an expression of thanks… it is simply good form. When crisis happens, I would demand my brother’s attention for good will, rather than a job perk.

So I guess I am slightly upset with your brother and his hiatus, because I feel the same as you when my brother pulls that crap.

But I am also missing his side of the story, therefore do not feel justified to pass judgment. I do not think you are overlooking this relationship gap. I think you two need to find a bridge to cover that space, forming a familial relationship you need. Some simple you and John time. Perhaps express to him some of your transgressions without getting all sappy dappy. Call to check on him more often, without being obsessive. Open up lines of communication… I think he will respond. He may think awkwardness at first, but I believe he will come to his senses.

Perhaps during beach week, we can do a sibling outing, leaving the beau’s at home with the rest of the family… scary, but I’m strangely comfortable with it.