Time IS on Our Side

Dear Kate,

Dear Girl! It sounds like you yourself have been through hell and again, though it has been over a year since we have formally written. I know we corresponded since, but planes, trains and funerals I don’t think count. Life is transitional, and we have both transitioned quite a bit it seems since our last letter.

I am currently sitting here at my computer, high on wine and mold fumes from an old fridge that the folks at Gulf Power have agreed to take away tomorrow. In brief, I got a “new” fridge from an old friend here in town, and my old fridge has sat as a looming back drop to my dining room since July. I found out that rather than calling my local garbage disposal company and paying them to take the fridge away, at my own labor of getting the darn thing out to the street, I called the local power company who will come into my house and remove the beast AND pay me $35 so they can recycle the parts. I love friends who suffer the same consequences as myself, and can offer insight of how to best proceed with the removal of the darn thing. So tomorrow, excitement ensues as that fridge will finally be removed from my house with me the better of the deal.

Such is the kindness of well timing and networking through friends.

So Life. I “lost” my job at the church in early August. They, while I was on a trip with the kids, decided they needed a “Full Time” person to work with the youth. And I, stuck in a predicament working in Mobile, AL for an internship, and enrolled in school, was not what they envisioned. I think it dealt more with an undesired environment to work with me. I gave them a good 5 years of my time, and three months of a crazy work schedule was the fuel they needed to be gone with my personal position. Not to mention the days I took to deal with my family and dad’s departure of this world.

A note on that: life has been a whirlwind of depression, grief, and all other fragments in relation to that event. Mike, my brother, had his gal Kate present through all the dealings, and the life following. Me, on the other hand, have grown closer to mom with daily conversations, and a new dealing with progression without my dad physically there telling me of his pride and support of my education. I know I had written before of my frustrations of his enabling Mike in his hopscotch actions, but in his last months, he really was my Dad. And I miss hearing his voice, though through these tough times, I have heard him in my head saying “Just do the best we can,” and I try daily to do just that.

So Life: it’s been tough. But I can say today that things are finally looking up. I don’t have my job to hold me back. I miss it like crazy. But I do have the time now to do what I want to do, in my involvement in Breast Cancer Awareness (I’m knitting a bunch of Pink Scarves to raise money) to my involvement in GSSWO - Graduate Student Social Work Organization - volunteering my time as “secretary” to get the organization off it’s feet. Today, also, I submitted a formal proposal to my internship place of employment - Sybil Smith Family Village (more later) to promote my employment as a part time, temporary Child Advocate. Things finally are looking up.

A quick note about Sybil Smith -

It’s a transitional housing facility for women with histories of drug abuse or domestic violence in Mobile. It’s a place where women can regain their feet and have better futures for themselves and their children. Their children is where I come in. My classmate, and good friend, Mary, works there as the case manager for the women. She is the one who got me the paid internship for the summer. Now, they, the Village mothers, and the very small staff, miss my influence and impact on the kids. I told the director, Diane, that I could not afford the daily commute to Mobile (1 hr 13 min). But yesterday, I went in to talk to Diane about upping the notch with my kids. Basically, I offered to come in twice a week. Mondays to work group and fellowship sessions and Thursdays to work individual sessions. Today, I sent her a formal proposal which she will take to the “Big Boss” for approval. Basically, I (and Diane) are asking that the Exec. approve me for working the two days for about the same amount pay I received during my daily internship. Things are looking good for that.

So, in a nut shell: I have taken my student loans, the prospect of this job, and the numerous hours of volunteer I can now provide for the various organizations, and have made a living. It is meager at best, but I am thankful for the transition to the Social Work Counseling door this whole mess has opened for me. My fingers are crossed now that this will all work out for the future of my education and life.

Yes, Grad School gives purpose. And for me now, my purpose has been two fold: getting my education and credentials, all while allowing me to stay in my little home, and care for the only family I have close at hand: the two dogs and one cat.

So, enough about me...I’m sorry to hear about Bart, but know he’s in a happy home. I have considered the same path for ol’ itchy and stinky Smokie. But I am glad to hear of J. rediscovering his passion, and the two of you rekindling a flame you obviously have had for each other. As far as children are concerned, I understand the frustration of not being able to bear your own (as I am quickly aging out of that circuit), but I cannot stress the alternative enough that there are many, many children needing homes, and I hope you will never rule out the option of adoption or even fostering. But wait... You are still young enough to make the decision in a wise and well supported place in life. I have a classmate, who is actually a year or so younger than you, stressed about the child process. And I have given him the same advice I offer you: wait until J. (for him, himself) is a graduate, so children are not a distraction from the goal with which he (and J) are currently pursuing.

When you find yourself settled, the right decision will come. You are young...don’t let friends pregnancies influence your mind. The right time will come when you decide what best to do when children are concerned. And know, that no matter what, though we may be only cousins, I will still and always demand the Auntie status!

Much Love, and glad for our Correspondence,

Roberta