There is definitely a danger in independence, in that if you choose to be independent in some areas then others will assume that you want to be independent in all areas, or that you are always capable of self-sustainment (monetarily, emotionally, whatever). Your post came at a time when I'm struggling for a little independence, not because anybody is trying to hold my hand or because my parents are too involved but because I want to prove to myself that I can survive. Luckily, so far I've gotten along all right with the knowledge that there's help if I need it.
That's where the difference is, isn't it? I know that, if I need it, I can call mom and dad about rent or car repair or health insurance or any number of other concerns, and they're close enough that I can even run home for a weekend. They remind me of this every few weeks. I sometimes wonder, though, about my friends. [segue into slightly new topic]
I have good friends. They're great people, and I like hanging out with them. Recently, however, I've begun to tire of the demands of these friendships...one friend always wants to hang out but it's usually at a time inconvenient for me now that I go to bed by midnight and try not to drink (I'm poor, and alcohol's not all that great most of the time), one friend is upset that I'm not at my place much but instead at J's (last year when she started dating her boyfriend she disappeared from her apartment and moved into his), and another is upset that I don't have my phone by me at all times anymore (but how many times in the past years has she really listened to me? It's always been about her problems).
I know that my irritation is immature, and that's why most of the time I ignore it. But every now and then I want it to be about me, and this is where I come back to your original topic. My theory is that, because I'm a quiet and usually passive person, I've attracted friends who are not, and in so doing had to depend upon myself emotionally for most of the major events in my life. When plans are made, I usually meet others on their side of the spectrum of compromise, and if I don't feel listened to I don't complain because I really don't care to butt in. My journal listens to me. Family listens to me. So maybe, through all of this, I've given people the impression that I'm fine on my own, that I don't need listening ears, too. Perhaps you've done something similar.
What's worse than immaturely feeling slighted or put upon by friends who really do mean well most of the time is that, now that I'm trying to do things my own way for once, I don't miss them much. I don't miss going out on Friday nights with them, because what fun did we have, really? I don't often miss listening to another problem and being unable to share my own. Sometimes I'll have a day where I just want to hang out with girls, and then I do...but get pressured to go back to my old passive-listening/passive-partying self when I'm with them.
I guess what I'm getting at, in a really long-winded way, is that being an independent person is being a contradiction, and that it is difficult to balance both sides of this contradiction. As people, we occasionally need other people or want other people to care about our needs. As independent people, we like to be able to function just fine on our own. I feel as though I'm just beginning to enter the kind of independence you've had for a while, and that I'm leaving another kind of independence (or dependence on others' needing me, depending on how you look at it) behind. Some embrace the change in me, like my parents, but others (justly) find it difficult to realize that, while I'm happy to listen when I can, I'm not their 24/7 listen-to-my-sob-story or do-what-I-want-to-do person (I don't classify you as one of these people---I'm sure you know that, but I wanted it to be said anyway).
Time to (independently) go to class. Stay dry, and if you need a place to stay make it known that you need one. I'm sure people want to help; they sometimes just don't realize you want them to.
Your cousin,
Kate
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